this is mine.

This would be a first time I'm posting my thoughts here.Twitter can't help as it's too short.A blog posting from a dear friend triggered this thoughts.A recent conversation with a cousin brought this on my mind.He came back recently from the UK, had a few relationships with Caucasian girls.None lasted till he came back to Malaysia, he's currently dating a Punjabi girl.Of course I was shocked, for a while I tried to picture it in my brain before I chuckled like an idiot.

me: back to your own original roots aye?
cousin: that's what everyone been saying.I got teased till today.

I laughed hard at him but he just nodded in agreement.It was a victorious moment for me as I never saw him that speechless.Anyway, we agreed that our family 3rd generation are made of a bunch of hopeless mixed marriage children.None of us speak fluent Punjabi.Let's face it, I suck in that language.The language my father spoke, grew up with & proud of.Before he went, he only conversed in these 2 languages, Punjabi & Cantonese.Not Bahasa Malaysia, not even English.I struggled so hard to talk to him in my rusty Cantonese, not using it ever since my Cantonese grandmother passed away.My grandfather used to sing lullabies for me in his own language, but I couldn't even remember a tiny bit of it till recently my aunt taught me to.Still, I can't pick up the language at all.We both regret not learning it properly.But it's never too late eh?I admit my tongue are more into the Oriental side, because I was very fond of my grandmother.No one will believe me if I mention I'm a Punjabi, they'll look at me funny.I inherited my grandmother's genes, the boys inherited the Punjabi side more.Bushy eyebrows, thick sharp nose, defined jaws and dimples.I have..none, except for my straight thick boned shoulders.When I was young, my Malay grandmother would call me "anak bai" or she would insert "kaur" at the back of my name.My father always reminded me "no matter what other people say, you're a Punjabi.Do not forget that.You're my child".People often asked me "what are you?".I'd just shrugged off and said I don't really know.Come to think of it, perhaps I was confused with my own identity.I barely know the language, how could I admit I'm one of them?

I realized what am I when I reached 19.Kinda late but least I'm not afraid to admit anymore (though there were occasions I wouldn't admit so coughcough).Anyway, my father always been an idol for me.He knew English, BMalaysia, Punjabi, Tamil, Chinese dialects (Canto,Hokkien,Hakka, a bit of Teochew but not Mandarin).How awesome is that ? Of course he taught me..Cantonese bad languages .He said, that's the basic things to master.I picked up Hokkien & Mandarin easily nowadays, it reminds me of my father.

Therefore, what I wanted to post here is an open letter to myself.When I reached 30, I shall look at this letter & ask myself if I achieved any of this.In a way, I'd like to think that I'd make my father proud.

I pledge to fulfill this task given by my own 25 year old self.I hereby declare that I shall do this, for my self.As stated here:

+ to polish up my Cantonese conversational skill.Be it good or bad.
+ to master Japanese language.By 30 I shall know more than 2000 Kanji words.
+ to be able to strike a proper conversation in Punjabi.

and of course, I should improve English/B Malaysia, as well as Singlish/Manglish dialects (haha).Amin.

oh wow..I really can rant this much.I should pat myself .